X-Sender: sazerac@mail.absinthe.nu (Unverified) Date: Tue, 18 Jul 2000 11:50:23 -0400 To: nycgoth-l@necronomi.com From: "21.8 seconds over new york with a screwdriver and a dram" Subject: the 12 step program for marylace withdrawal Please play at maximum volume. 1. One of the sleepless moderators reached all the way across the 3 foot makeshift desk to personally remind me that I'm supposed to post an intro before 'posting again'. This means you have to read two of my rare textbook pieces of curmudgeon in the same vague timespace. Rather than apologize (me??), I'll try to adhere to my online credo of being amusing if not quite comforting. 2. Hard to believe much less recall, but I used to post frequently and frequent posts that constituted the scene at the apex of its hyperbolic psychodrama. My gradual evaporation could be explained either by moving even further away from the city -- or by my gradual disgust toward most of the music, movies, beverages of choice, self-important drama, fashion, activities, and spiritual practices that inform the median peer-pressured goth. Through it all, I've remained on this list -- and was even called upon to moderate it for a year after we installed that civility firewall. I also once moderated the phillygoth list in more naive times. I've found I just can't do things in moderation, though (sic). 3. I am not sure why I stay here, considering I wince at almost every intro (if I have to read one more person who thinks liking synthpop and Bowie is 'eclectic'...) and I can nary squeeze out a single post without a dozen wayward parenthetical cartwheels and hidden references. I guess I just have no pressing reason to leave; it keeps me in touch with a few distant acquaintences, I still see insightful topics (not music), and it's my final symbolic link to the current scene -- an symptom of my belief that this remains the only goth forum with a tolerable signal-to-noise ratio. 4. Besides, leaving is too easy. I've seen no end of walk-offs who want to blame this list for the 'decline' of 'their' scene, if not goths in general for creating one of the most fantastic cultures of self-parody this side of gangster rap. The unavoidable fact remains that a majority chunk of incredible music, fashion, artwork, writing, and ideas have been a lilypad's hop removed from abstract "gothic" and "industrial" sensibilities...and the spirit has been carried on in the works of people ignorant to (or contemptuous of) goth scene followers, and usually ignored by said vermin. 5. Personal trivia: I live in Ithaca with a Carrie and 4 cats. We have our own house, which feels bleedin' great after years of being told by adjacent walls to turn my music down. I do combat UNIX programming for Cornell University involving scary topics like Xlib and kerberos. I like my job, but I do not relate to UNIX or Cornell 'cultures' (notice a pattern here?). On the side, I do website development for musical legends like Swans/Jarboe in between intermittent threats to finally erect my new personal site. 6. Despite all implications above painting a lifestyle of black belt bedroom wankery, I do have a life when I choose to leave my precious confines. I come down to NYC or Philly 1-2 times a month for various shows and art exhibits, and will occasionally go out dancing -- though usually at britpop, techno, latin, or soul parties. It's not that I think these 'scenes' are any more 'intelligent' than goth, but I love to dance -- and I just don't get off on the bad electro disco and tired 80's that the goth clubs play. If I want disco, I'd rather dance to the real 70's diva trash; if I want techno, the real trance, minimal, and techstep events offer a much better megamix. EBM is just...sad. 7. I guess that brings us to the dreaded topic of music. I consider it a primary (though not exhaustive) obsession in my life. I haven't quite counted what I have, but it's more than you do, so there. ;p I listen to stuff from every 'era' with an ear to finding the nuances within any style. My favorite things tend towards artists who can really transcend silly boundaries and straddle that difficult reconciliation between 'original' and 'profound'. Early goth and industrial 'pioneers' were like this, as were (especially) their influences and their influences' influences. But I don't live entirely in the past -- there's some decent music out there now; you just won't hear it at Albion. I do believe music as a whole is headed towards a massive rut, but that's a topic for another list. 8. When I'm not strung out on CDR bootleg trades (inquire within) or umpteen distributor backorders for albums I've decided I must have, I plod forward on my own musical ideas. I'm in the (never ending) process of building a studio, and play a dozen or so instruments to varying degrees of competence. A natural ear for pitch combined with insomnia and a dismally short attension span is a blessing and a curse. I regret not just getting out and playing at a younger age before I realized just how hard it is to put together something really great, important, and unique in today's jaded musical climate. I believe anything less is just wasted effort. 9. In addition to the sleeve-worn musical conceits, I also harbor extensive useless knowledge on films (generally everything but cliche horror), classic cocktails and fine liquors (current bar has 20 active bottles), cooking (particularly continental, cajun/creole, indian, and old mexican), NFL Football (masochistic Iggles fan), and classic American luxury cars (I will someday drive a '68 Cadillac convertible). Other, less thorough fascinations include 20th century extreme art and philosophy 'isms', conspiracy theories, DSP algorithms, propaganda art, old school pulp and comics (not superhero crap), the obligatory beat poetics, physics, mafia families, and the delicate art of satire. 10. I'm not an asshole, I'm just honest. I realized long ago that there is too much amazing knowledge and craft out there to waste time on the convuluted misleading and soul-crushing games most people expect you to play to gain most sorts of social standing or friendship. It exasperates me to no end that people honestly think they 'see through' all this foolishness, but that it somehow does not apply to their chosen peer group. I do enjoy good debates with fellow 'thinkers', but I'm finding them few and far between these days -- either because they feel the need to put on a 'dumb' act when out and about, or because they really are that lame (how's that for giving benefit of the doubt?). 11. Though I've not fully cured myself of using the word 'pretentious', I do believe in the difference between 'learned excess' and 'tunnel learning'. Most scene people sadly fall into the latter category, and a majority of those don't even know their own roots anymore. It's frightful how much we've advanced in the technology of information access and preservation, yet most people still let inertia and dogma dictate their 'tastes'. I don't believe I know everything, much less anything. Knowledge is often toxic and will ultimately make you all the more aware of how complicated and uncertain all our notions really are. 12. I am a pawses. 'Nuff said. Repeat step 1, and this time read backwards. -_ Todd C. Zino Marylace@lacemaker.com _- _- AOL: OpiumDrum ICQ: 10763489 - _ _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ "it takes dedication...it takes...dedication"